Satisfaction

I've decided, I am happy with my body. That's not to say I don't need to lose a lot more weight, but I love this figure God has given me. Let's face it, I have nice breasts, nice legs, a face that looks great if I'm not too fat (and it takes a LOT of extra weight for it to not look great!), and a natural hourglass shape. If I just took care of myself, I could look fantastic in a bikini. And isn't that the measure by which all bodies are judged?


Seriously, though, I have a whole lot going for me, and I appreciate it. Now to show my thanks by losing the excess pounds, and developing lasting habits for eating right and exercising!

almost perfect

I almost had a perfect day today. But then I had a cookie. Then I felt bad for ruining my perfect day, so I had another cookie. So much for perfection.

Why am I SO HUNGRY today??

Today, Recently, and Mental Changes

+ I'm frustrated today because the apex website is down, and I really need to track my food. I didn't stick to my meal plan much today, because I've been hungry ALL DAY LONG! Besides what I've already planned for, I also had about 4 chicken nuggets, half a box of animal crackers, and 8 extra ounces of chicken. And I'm about to go make a milkshake (Dreyer's slow-churned shake in a cup ... a brilliant, low-fat invention). 

+ Speaking of brilliance, I'm recently addicted to McDonald's fruit & maple oatmeal. It is AMAZINGLY delicious, and shockingly healthy for something from McDonald's. I get it at least once a week, often more.

+ Part of the reason I've been getting oatmeal so often, is because I'm trying to get in the habit of going to the gym for 30 minutes of cardio between shifts. It's working out well. I'm getting so much stronger in my running, and I have a chance of burning more than 2400 calories on days I work. Really, I just need to adjust my nutrition and eat less, so I don't have to rely on running every day, but it's still a good habit to be in.

+ Despite the string of recent "bad day" posts, I've met several goals recently: 

A basically perfect week (thanks in large part to meal planning)

Less than 170 lbs

Less than 30% body fat (29.9 as of this past Monday)

+ Halfway through my second "perfect" week, I realized that something inside me has shifted. I don't struggle as much to get to the gym beyond my 2 scheduled appointments; it's just become what I do, something I have to make time for, and there's no "should I or shouldn't I" involved. And as for nutrition, I was talking to Brit about how much I was going to binge in Colorado, and I realized, I don't really want to binge. Sure, I still crave the occasional box of oreos, but in general, it's much easier to stick with the foods I should be eating. I also noticed while meal planning that this doesn't feel like a diet at all. I'll find myself thinking "I need to fit in more food somewhere or I'll be hungry," and then I stop and realize, shouldn't I be hungry?? It's a diet for heaven's sakes! But, I guess it's not. It really is a lifestyle change. I do wish I could see faster results, but I can say this is something I can definitely keep up, and make a part of my life.

The Week In Review

I finally loaded up my bodybugg data for the week, and after going through it day by day, I'm pretty disappointed with myself. I had a much better impression of the week while it was happening. I guess it could have been worse, but there were more "oops" days than I thought. Obviously, Thursday night was a bust, just because somebody had banana bread at work, and I was too stressed out to not eat it. A lot of it. And then, since I was at work, my hedonism continued into the next day with greasy fried cafeteria food. At the time, I thought it was worth it, but looking back, I really wish I had just eaten what I brought. It wouldn't have been any more difficult than cutting a piece of banana bread (although significantly less delicious), and then I wouldn't have two ruined days from one bad night. At least, I wish I had the sense to restrict my indulging to either Thursday or Friday, not both. I am proud of myself that friday night, I resisted getting potato wedges and nacho cheese, which is pretty much my favorite ever.

I also don't exactly know what happened on Sunday... I guess I usually think of Sunday as my "off" day, but I only burned 1900 calories... what?? That's like I didn't do anything ALL DAY LONG! Granted, I did take a 3 hour nap, and I was kinda tired and lazy all day... but that still seems excessively low. I'm pretty disappointed in myself. What I thought was going to be my best week yet, turns out to be just another week of mediocrity. I'll be weighing in tonight, so we'll see how much that helped or hurt.

Bad Day

Today's nutrition tracking isn't all that accurate. Neither is yesterday's for that matter, which is too bad because I ended up burning a LOT of calories yesterday (2900). The bad thing was, I burned that many in part because I had a terrible night. I didn't sit down to chart until 2 am, I had no time to eat anything except the delicious banana bread somebody had brought and put out... and for that matter, I didn't really want to eat my dumb grapes instead of warm, soft banana bread. And by the time 2 am rolled around, my attitude was (literally, as I said this to Brit via text message) "I'm eating a fucking cheeseburger!"

I didn't end up getting the cheeseburger. But I did get a grilled turkey and swiss croissant, french fries, and fried zucchini. My tracking might not be totally accurate, but for sure it was a bad night. I still don't regret it, though. It was a small comfort in a whirlwind hell of a shift.

Running

A month or so ago, my trainer switched me to an alternating upper/lower body circuit training schedule, and told me to do cardio specifically on the elliptical and bike. I haven't really used the treadmill since. The last time I tried running on the treadmill, I was struggling through Week 3 of the Couch to 5K program (jog 90 seconds, walk 90 seconds, jog 3 minutes, walk 3 minutes, repeat).

Today, I went to the gym right after work (which, btw, kudos to me). I breezed through the "week 3" regimen, and instead of my last 3 minute run, kept going for 5 minutes before cooling down.

I just love these tangible evidences of my growing strength and endurance.

Not Comfortable

Today, I am proud of myself for not turning to comfort food, despite my horrid morning and the deliciousness of the hospital cafeteria breakfasts. Instead, I ate my damn stale lowfat bagel, with my inadequate fat free cream cheese, just like I had planned.

On the bright side, meal planning is going well.

I want french fries.

Progress

Well, nobody reads this anyway, so why not be more specific?

This is me, at the VERY beginning, weighing in at about 189 lbs. To be fair, this was a mere 2 months after Corbin was born, but still.

This was 2 weeks ago, when I started taking progress pictures, at about 176.8 lbs.

And this was yesterday, at about 175.0 lbs. From now on, progress pictures will probably be a little farther apart than these two (maybe one a month?).

I realize these are awful, unflattering pictures, filled with fat rolls... but isn't that kind of the point? At one point, I actually looked pretty good in these particular workout pants. Definitely not now, but at least it will show actual progress, without having to take shirtless pictures.

My Current Goals

I need to have some goals and rewards for myself. Something to work toward besides being hot.

2 Perfect Weeks AND 19 lbs lost : In N Out!
Less than 30% body fat : Get my hair done
Less than 25 BMI : Mani/pedi

So far I am... 2 days into my first goal. Go me!

Working

It seems a little ironic that working as a nurse could be so counter-productive to a healthy lifestyle. But oh, it definitely is. My 12-hour shifts drain me and wring me dry, until I don't care about pretty much anything for the 3-4 days I'm working. I just got done with my 3 shifts, and I wanted to try and go to the gym tonight, but that's not happening. I should be at least taking my vitamins and fat-burning pills, but I don't care enough. I count myself extremely lucky to even retain the willpower to stay within my eating plan (most of the time) while working. And this kind of schedule makes it extremely difficult to make it to the gym 4 days a week! At least 2 days of the week, I am literally doing nothing but working and sleeping. The day before a shift, I "should" be able to squeeze in a workout before my nap, but then that's my entire morning. The day after my shifts, I "should" be able to go in after I wake up, but I'm always so tired. And that leaves only 3 days free, and all of them in a row.

I blame my job, at least in part, for the 40 lbs I've gained in the last 3 years.

But it's time to stop making excuses! I will find a way to make this work. And then I will look hot in scrubs.